*You are now reading the closing arguments of this landmark case. Which side are you on?
PLAINTIFF’S CLOSING ARGUMENTS
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Let me start by saying that DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IS A MENACE TO OUR MODERN DAY SOCIETY! You’ve heard the testimony, you’ve seen the evidence, you know how you personally feel about this even though you have to be judicial in your decision. Opposing counsel is going to argue for all of the good that daylight savings has on who we are as a society, but I submit to you that if daylight savings time is such a great institution, then why aren’t we, as a modern, technological, increasingly sedentary, “visual media” locked society, in a position where we can enjoy the “supposed benefits” of it? Let me explain.
You may say that DST gives us more sunlight, hence the original argument of Daylight Savings Time (DST), but I submit to you that DST provides none of that. The bottom line is that summer days are longer, winter days are shorter, and ALL days are separated into 24 hours so how has daylight been saved?
So more sunlight? Yeah right!
You may say that DST gives us energy savings? I submit to you that unless you’re Amish, you’re pretty much using the same amount of energy all day every day. Think about your office building. Everything from the central air/heating to the fake lighting to your computer to you plugging in your cell phone charger is using the same amount of energy everyday. Think about your house. Everything from (again) the central air/heating to the fake lighting to your computer to you plugging in your cell phone charger is using the same amount of energy everyday.
Therefore, energy savings? Get ouuuutta here.
You may say that the American farmer needs DST to operate on their farms and AGAIN I go back to the fact that summer days are longer, winter days are shorter, and ALL days are separated into 24 hours. A farmer doesn’t have to punch a clock and therefore is not concerned with “what time they need to be at work”. If the sun is up, they’re up. If the sun is not up, they aren’t either, but even in our technological age, GPS can make tractors run all night long so they technically don’t have to be up early. Moreso than that, farm animals don’t punch clocks either. Sun? Up. No sun? Not up.
Therefore, the “we are farmers… daaaa da da da da da da” argument? Nope!
You may say that you get an extra hour to sleep when DST ends but I say that you are recovering the 1 hour that was robbed of you when DST started. Most people are probably cranky in the morning anyway so taking that hour away is probably contributing to the ‘road rage’ and the coffee addiction problems rampant in this country.
Therefore, extra sleep? I don’t think so.
In conclusion, DST, much like the appendix in your own body, may have served a purpose at one time, but has surpassed its usefulness. I submit to this jury and to this court that DST be stricken from the records, stricken from the calendar, and stricken from our fabric of our modern society. Modern society should move forward with modern ideas and holding on to an antiquated, theoretical idea of “gaining or losing an hour”, when really we’re just “shifting our clocks and, ultimately, our lives”, is holding us back from the greatness we could possibly achieve…
…one hour at a time. Thank you.”
(“Top THAT opposing counsel!”)